Nobody likes to be rejected. Whether at work, in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even in an interaction with a stranger, it doesn’t feel pleasant to be told “No”, either nicely or not so nicely. Rejection may produce confusion, sadness, shame, or even anger, but most people can manage their emotions and return to an equilibrium over time.
But for certain individuals, that same rejection may result in a much more pronounced reaction that produces intensely negative and lingering feelings or emotional pain that is difficult to control or rationalize away. The fear of rejection can result in these people taking fewer social or work-related risks, forming and keeping relationships, or having lower self-esteem. In these instances, they may have an undiagnosed condition called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).
What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
RSD is a psychological disorder not yet formally recognized as a standalone diagnosis, and studies show that it is present in up to 70% of adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). It is characterized by an exaggerated emotional response to perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. People with RSD may feel intense shame, sadness, or anger from even minor setbacks, often making daily functioning and relationships difficult.
While the symptoms of RSD have not been formally diagnosed, here are some characteristics and scenarios to look out for:
Personal Behaviors
- Fear of rejection
- High self-imposed standards
- Easily triggered feelings of guilt or shame
- Isolating oneself to avoid rejection
- Aggressive or angry behavior towards perceived slights
- Frequently feeling like you don't fit in or are misunderstood
- Self-esteem dependent on perceptions of others' opinions
- Frequent, intense, and constant overthinking about past interactions or mistakes
Relationship Impacts
RSD can manifest in various ways, potentially straining the bond between partners. Individuals with RSD may exhibit hypersensitivity to perceived slights or neglect, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings. They may also engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, such as pushing people away, blaming others for their problems, or preemptively ending relationships to avoid potential rejection. The fear of rejection can cause people with RSD to become “people pleasers”, avoiding the expression or acknowledgment of their own needs and desires, leading to communication breakdowns and unmet expectations.
Work Impacts
Professionally, RSD can hinder career growth and job satisfaction. People with RSD may avoid proactively seeking opportunities for fear of rejection or failure. The intense emotional reactions associated with RSD can impair concentration and decision-making, affecting job performance and productivity. Workplace dynamics such as feedback sessions, performance evaluations, and interpersonal conflicts can exacerbate symptoms of RSD, leading to increased stress and anxiety, potentially straining relationships with colleagues and supervisors.
Coping Strategies
While living with RSD can be challenging, there are ways to manage its impact, both medically and therapeutically. A clinical professional such as a psychiatrist can help identify potentially beneficial medication therapy. Additionally, psychotherapy or coaching can help individuals learn how to recognize, process, and manage feelings and behaviors so they feel less overwhelmed and more in control. Here are some approaches that can be addressed with a therapist or coach:
1) Anticipate Triggers: Certain situations or other people’s behaviors may cause more anxiety than others. For example, for some people, social situations may be particularly challenging such as asking someone out on a date. Or perhaps work situations such as receiving feedback in a performance review. Either way, knowing and planning for these situations in advance can help reduce their impact if things don’t go as hoped.
2) Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques - such as meditation, deep breathing, exercise, and positive affirmations or mantras - can help individuals with RSD regulate their emotions and reduce stress levels on an ongoing basis.
3) Communicate Openly: Building trust and fostering open communication in relationships can help mitigate misunderstandings and conflicts related to RSD. Partners, friends, colleagues and family can work together to establish boundaries and strategies for managing emotional difficulties.
4) Set Realistic Goals: Breaking down tasks into manageable steps and setting realistic goals can help individuals with RSD overcome the fear of failure and make meaningful progress towards achieving their objectives.
5) Build a Support Network: Surrounding oneself with understanding, non-judgmental and supportive individuals can contribute much-needed validation and encouragement during challenging times.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria can have a profound impact on peoples’ lives, including on those around them. However, it's essential to remember that while living with RSD can be difficult, it is also manageable. Like all challenges, it can be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
More information about RSD:
· Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: Symptom Test for ADHD Brains
· What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
· Adult ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity
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