In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives and especially during holiday family gatherings when we are fueled by people who may trigger us, 24/7 worrying news cycles, and pervasive social media, anxiety can rear up and cause us to behave in ways that don’t feel very good. Many people start “spinning” – worrying or getting upset about everything until they become overwhelmed – or feeling like a victim, helpless in the face of a mountain of stress. It can give rise to hiding out in the kitchen sneaking a cocktail or two while everyone else is in the den (and I say that from experience.)
The path to finding peace does not lie in drinking, hiding out, snapping at your annoying uncle, or any other self-sabotaging behaviors. It’s actually in the liberating act of identifying what you cannot control and then letting it go. It may sound simple, but like anything, it requires practice. Read on to explore five practical ways to help you unwind your mind and shed anxiety.
1. Ask yourself “What can I control in this situation?”
When you start to notice your stress level rising, the first step is to identify what in that moment you can control and what you cannot. For example, you cannot control your mother’s constant critique of your outfit choices. But you can control how you react and what actions you choose to take. You may opt to shift your emotional lens to feel pity instead of annoyance, helping alleviate your anxiety. Or you may decide to set up some boundaries or ground rules to ask her to follow. By acting on what we can control vs. falling victim to what we cannot, we open ourselves to a calmer, more grounded perspective.
2. Focus on the Present
Anxiety often stems from worrying about what may happen in the future or what has already occurred in the past, neither of which can we control. Acknowledging this truth and then engaging in a mindful practice such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or just a walk around the block can help redirect your focus to the “now” - a powerful antidote to anxiety.
3. Differentiate Between Concern and Control
It's natural to feel concerned about various aspects of life, but confusing concern with control can be a breeding ground for stress. While you may care deeply about certain outcomes, understanding that your influence has limits allows you to release the unnecessary burden of trying to control every variable.
4. Embrace Flexibility
Life is inherently dynamic, and unexpected challenges are an inevitable part of the journey. Embracing flexibility in your approach to life's twists and turns can significantly reduce anxiety. Instead of fixating on a rigid plan and becoming frustrated when things go sideways, cultivate an adaptive mindset that allows you to navigate uncertainty with resilience, creativity, and even humor.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Anxiety often intensifies when we are overly critical of ourselves, especially in the face of perceived failures or setbacks. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding – the same as how you might treat a friend in the same situation. Remember that no one is perfect, we all deserve a break, and it's okay to make mistakes sometimes.
Nobody enjoys feeling stressed and anxious, yet in a world that is increasingly chaotic and uncertain, we all do from time to time. By acknowledging that life is unpredictable and you cannot control everything, you can take comfort in the fact that the choice is entirely yours in how you react and how you frame your emotions. Here’s hoping that your holiday season and 2024 is filled with joy, laughter, love, and peace.