It’s happened to all of us at one point or another. A disparaging comment directed toward you in a meeting, a piece of “constructive criticism” in a review, or a not-so-gentle nudge disguised as helpful advice trigger a flutter in your stomach, heat in your cheeks, and a desire to immediately respond or defend yourself. Or you may let yourself believe that the criticism was deserved, and that it’s your responsibility to do better to “fix the problem”. What you may not recognize in the heat of the moment is that the Emotion Beast has crawled out and taken up a place on your shoulder, encouraging you to act before you fully think things through.
It's in our nature as human beings to fall back to our instincts when faced with a challenging situation. This behavior can serve us well if we are in familiar territory (or when running away from say a hungry predator), but pausing to breathe and evaluate how to best to respond may result in a far more productive and perhaps innovative solution. Remember and practice these three steps to help you tame your Emotion Beast:
1) Listen to your body - Acknowledge your emotions
In a stressful moment, how does your body respond to the challenge? Do you start breathing quickly, does your heart pound, does your stomach tense up or flutter? Actively recognizing and acknowledging your triggers helps you compartmentalize them and put them aside so you can think more rationally. Taking several deep breaths can quickly calm those emotions, helping you avoid impulsive action.
2) Slow Down - Carve out time to think and respond
It’s okay (and advisable) to take a step back to review and ponder before you return to action. While you don’t want to take too long, it’s unlikely anyone would raise their eyebrows if you ask to get back to them shortly with a considered response.
3) Focus - Keep your eye on the prize
Instead of reverting to your instinctive behavior (your Emotional Beast) which is usually rooted in insecurity, fear, limiting belief, or perceived expectations, focus on your primary objectives in the situation. First, push yourself to reiterate your goal(s). Then ask yourself if you are doing what you need to do to deliver key results? How do you know if what you are doing is working? Have you communicated your goals, process, and progress clearly to all your key stakeholders? Have they acknowledged and are they aligned? When you strip any subjective emotion, conjecture, or politics and focus on what you can do to achieve your objectives, often your most innovative thinking can occur, resulting in a more targeted, successful approach that everyone can get behind.
As an example, consider Dave, a VP of Sales in a large organization. He has brought a significant revenue opportunity to the table and arranged for a final meeting with his client’s leadership team to close the deal. Just prior to the meeting, Dave learns that his client has, without letting him know, called his CFO and Chief Revenue Officer to request that they attend the meeting. At first, he is furious that the client has gone around him. On top of that, his boss, the SVP of Sales, calls him to say that he too will attend the meeting. Dave’s immediate instinct is to push back and insist he can handle the meeting himself. Instead, Dave takes a bunch of deep breaths and realizes that his primary objective is to close the deal. In reminding himself of that objective, he understands that if the client’s leadership team want to finalize the deal in this meeting, it makes sense that they would request that the ultimate decision makers be in the room. Dave then creates a close plan, including a briefing for his senior leaders and the rest of his support team, with all the information they need to bring the deal to a successful outcome. He also acknowledges with the client their request and ensures that everyone is aligned walking into the room. Instead of reacting to his initial emotions and potentially jeopardizing his deal, the perception of his leadership skills, and the success of his company, Dave instead kept his eye on the prize and tamed his Emotional Beast.
Building the leadership skills to recognize your triggers, slow your thinking, and keeping focused on your goals will come through practice and time. Taming your Emotional Beast in the moment isn’t easy, but it also can be a fulfilling process as you begin to experience positive outcomes and less stress.